Dating in the New Millennia

Let’s face it ladies, if you’re still waiting for the perfect lover to waltz into your life, sweep you off your feet, and make you live happily ever after you really are living in a fairy tale. The truth is relationships are hard work and knowing what you want going in is essential. Of course you can’t think of everything that’s necessary in your relationship up front, however, you can start with the basics—looks, intelligence, financial stability and sexual compatibility. Think of this as your Fonzy list—your request to the Universe to bring you the perfect mate. Besides, you must have some idea of what you want in a relationship otherwise you’ll end up with a Frog.

The old rules on dating need a little tweak to make them more realistic and in tune with the woman we are today. It’s time to grasp the golden ring and put it on our own finger. We can do this in our romantic relationships by following these three basic rules.

Rule Number one: Despite the popular belief that men are the visual creatures and women “look beneath the surface to find the beauty within”, a man’s looks are important to us. Yes, I do believe most man have the potential to change into what we ultimately would love them to be as far as dressing appropriately for certain occasions like a family function or the ballet; however, if you are turned on by tall men with long hair and settle for a short one who’s bald, you’re already sabotaging your relationship. Sure you may love his personality but you’ll always be looking for more and maybe unconsciously you’re sizing your lover up for a toupee or heel lifts. The same goes for intelligence. If you want to be able to share intellectual conversations with your lover about politics, religion, or social awareness yet picked a man who’s mental attributes don’t extend beyond football and local sporting events, you’ll be yanking your hair out within six months and screaming at him for never “carry on a grown up conversation”. Save the fixer upper mentality for home renovations. This is a relationship. It’s essential to have a good foundation to start with otherwise any remodeling you attempt will merely frustrate you and you’ll have wasted valuable time, energy, and self-esteem in a relationship that would never have lasted anyway and was totally wrong for you.

Rule Number two: What woman doesn’t love to be pampered and be given presents? However, nowadays many women are making more than men. That said let’s address what you really want him to do for you. Are the flowers and gifts more important than a really nice meal once a week? Are you spending all your time indoors at his place or yours because you can’t keep your hands off each other or because the most he can afford is McDonalds and you’re tired of paying for dinner. Or maybe, he’s cheap and doesn’t appreciate the value of going to the museum or amusement park and doing something other than petting on the couch between commercial breaks. I’m not saying he has to splurge on you all the time, but if you feel like a mother taking care of her child, or you’re feeling used, this is something you need to address immediately before resentment sets in. If he’d rather work at what you consider is a dead end job where he barely makes enough to cover his bills, do you really want to be in that relationship or are you hoping sooner or later he’ll realize he needs to get a better job and you’re willing to wait patiently (silently) until he does. You don’t have to be a gold-digger to want a man to pay his share or be able to afford to offer you the style of living you’re accustomed to or desire. Avoid future problems by being upfront with him—and yourself—about this issue. If you can provide the financial stability and don’t mind, more power to you. However, if you take a more traditional approach and want the man to make more, than ensure to look in a different pond for your Prince.

Rule Number three: This is the most important rule of all. This is where your self-esteem, self-worth, and the basis for your entire relationship will center—sex. Many women still have the unconscious belief that a man will know “what to do” and will make her sexual fantasies come true making her orgasmic and sexually fulfilled. The truth is he is merely an extension of your sensuality. It’s up to you to embrace it fully and allow yourself to be as orgasmic as you want to be. Most men are just as nervous as we are when it comes to revealing their true sexual desires or their sexual inadequacies. Contrary to popular belief that sex makes up only a small portion of a relationship, sex actually makes up at least eighty percent. It is the reason we stepped into the relationship in the first place. The attraction for each other. The desire to touch…to taste. The need to be intimate. Once in a relationship, most of the sexual tension comes from fear of vulnerability at sharing your true desires with your partner and fear of rejection. Tension slowly leads to frustration which plunges into resentment and before long you’re arguing about whose turn it is to do the dishes and why he can’t bend over just once to pick up his socks from the floor or put the cap back on the toothpaste. Yes, it is nerve wrecking to let your lover see your body especially if you feel less than comfortable with it yourself. Yet hiding under the covers while making love robs you both of the pleasure of exploring your sensuality to its fullest and reinforces the mistaken belief that there is something wrong with your body. Embrace the fact that he’s with you because of his affection for you and those love handles you fear he’ll find distasteful may actually be the reason why he loves you and enjoys cuddling. Plus your Budda belly may be where he likes to lay his head and feels safe and loved. Men who date full figured women love us as we are. Instead of hiding your body and your desires, allow yourself to be just a
little bit vulnerable and watch how your love life skyrockets. Share you desires, those naughty thoughts that make you blush, even those wickedly delicious fantasies you divulge only to your best friend or your diary. Don’t worry if they seem silly, outrageous, or perhaps too X-rated you just might discover he’s more than willing to explore them with you and share a few of his own. Teach your lover what you like. Why not read a few books together on sexual adventures. Allow yourself to explore your sensual and sexual divinity. Become a Sensual Scientist! Discover how his body responds to your touch and how yours responds to his. Set aside one day a week to explore a different aspect of your sexuality. Take turns traveling along the highway of sexual freedom as you discover the various attractions along the way. During the trip it’s alright to get a little nervous, point and giggle, and toss aside the things you tried but didn’t enjoy. As you travel along the road of sexual discovery, you’ll ultimately learn to sing to your own erotic tunes while he dances alongside you.

Live with passion,

Dr. Charley Ferrer

For more dating tips read Sex Unlimited: The Ultimate Secrets to Dating & Erotic Pleasures,

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