Humiliation Play
Let’s take a look at Humiliation Play.
One of the primary focuses of Humiliation Play is behavior modification as well as a catalyst to improvement and self-esteem. It may surprise you to discover that for some men and women humiliation play is a tremendous turn-on and aphrodisiac. On another note, humiliation also services as a wonderfully creative source of Punishment.
Men more so than women seem to thrive on humiliation and connect it with sexual desire to a level beyond the typical “talk dirty to me” phrases. Though there may be a psychological basis for this erotic connection, the actual possibilities vary and if you’re interested, you can research it further.
The simplest explanation I can provided is the one provided to me by a submissive woman I know. She stated that as a woman she was used to being put down and humiliated in many different ways by various people throughout her life: the teachers who didn’t think she was as smart as the boys and thus overlooked her efforts; men who catcalled as she walked down the street or thought they could paw her as she danced with them or went on a date; even lovers and family members who were inappropriate, therefore she did not want it as part of her D/s interactions. She went on to theorize that as men were used to being at the top of the food chain and didn’t experience the humiliation women did nor at the same level, men could more easily eroticize it.
Some humiliation can also be playful and good natured humor.
Humiliation takes into account several different areas of a person’s psyche and can vary in degrees of severity and purpose. To elaborate, Humiliation Play can include: embarrassment, degradation, self-esteem issues, self-worth issues and more. It can be performed in private or public. It can be overt or subtle. It can be for behavior modification, correction of inappropriate behavior, for sexual stimulation; and yes, even for encouragement and motivation.
I can already see you shaking your head telling me no one would use humiliation for motivation; yet haven’t you goaded yourself into doing things in the past. Haven’t you once argued with yourself saying, “You’re such a chicken if you don’t…” merely to motivate yourself into taking that necessary step into a relationship or an event you were afraid to undertake? Haven’t you ever heard guys talking with each other, “Man up dammit…” Or my favorite, “You throw like a girl!” when they want the boy to do better. Or the one that really irks me when I hear men say it to each other, “You’re such a pussy.”
The simple truth is humiliation is used by everyone to some degree. Parents use it with
their children to get them to clean their room or behave; sprinkling the humiliation with a bit of guilt and shame alongside. The parents aren’t trying to be particularly hurtful or malicious they’re just trying to motivate their children. Here are a few examples:
Look at your room—do you live in a pig sty?
What will your friends say if they knew you wet the bed?
Stop crying. Take it like a man. Do you want them to think you’re a baby?
When looking at humiliation from a sexual perspective it is important to remember that we all have our limits and our triggers. For example, calling someone a “whore” in public out of the blue may be embarrassing and undesired and lead to a confrontation. However, calling your slave “your whore” or telling them you “want to see how dirty your whore can be” allows them to overcome their inhibitions and embrace their slutty adventurous essence. It’s amazing how having the slave call themselves “your whore” opens that door.
Again, I’ll remind you that this behavior is not pathological in any way. It is merely a form of the power exchange and perhaps sexual gratification as well as emotional release and healing that can be experienced in a D/s relationship.
Sometimes, working through a humiliation scene allows the individual a way of releasing the pent up negative emotions they stored in their psyche, in their body, which needed to be purged. In this case, the Dominant is working as a pseudo-therapist to help the individual work through the issue creating the break in the slave’s armor that’s needed.
It goes without saying that an intense humiliation scene requires tremendous aftercare which an ethical Dominant would ensure to provide whether through themselves or another.
Of special note is the fact that it’s often overlooked that not only is the submissive affected by an intensely emotional scene but the Dominant is as well—typically more so because of the fact that the Master or Mistress had to push someone they cared about or loved to such an extreme and hear them beg and plea for them to “stop” or be pushed further still in order for them to achieve the release necessary. (Remember “no” and “stop” are not Safewords; therefore the slave allowed the humiliation or punishment to continue.)
Humiliation and punishment are limited only by your imagination. If you’re ever stuck for ideas, watch a few of the old Kung Fu movies. *smiles*
Assignment:
By now you should have read Chapters 5 through 9
If you have any ideas on humiliation play or humiliation punishment want to know if what you’re thinking of is realistic and or how to incorporate it or intensify it, please email me. I can review it and provide my comments. Please note, there is no judgment nor taboo in the punishments or interactions you create or experience with your partner.
Feel free to ask any other questions you may have based on the material covered thus far.
Send your assignment responses and comments to eCourse@doctorcharley.com
Your assignments, questions, and comments will be reviewed and responded to within normal business hours Monday through Friday. You do not need to wait for a response before moving on to the next lesson.
If you need immediate assistance, please feel free to contact me directly at the number listed below. I am available Monday thru Friday 1:00 to 9:00 p.m. EST.
Click here for the next Lesson 7
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