eCourse — BDSM Introduction — Lesson #4

Lesson #4 — The Dominant
Personality Traits and Character Development

This lesson will cover the typical nuances of a Dominant. These are merely the most common not all of the possible character traits of a Dominant or a Sadist. To cover them all, I would have to write a fifty page essay. smiles

Unlike popular misconceptions perpetuated by bad BDSM movies and books, Dominants aren’t the unfeeling emotionally distant bastards who greedily demand tremendous feats of submission from their submissives only to neglect their efforts of service and toss a few gratuitous comments of appreciation here and there. Neither do they yell and scream at their submissives to get them motivated like the Drill Sergeants in the old war movies or an overzealous aerobics instructor. If you stop to think about it, anyone who has to yell and scream is actually showing a lack of control!

In the realm of Dominance and submissive, lack of control indicates inability to take command of a situation and doesn’t foster trust or confidence. Typically only an inexperienced submissive would accept such behavior from their Dominant unless yelling and screaming was actually “part of” a scene they were specifically engaged in and/or forms of play they created together.

Another misconception is the idea that a confident Dominant would circle around trying to pick up a submissive jumping from one to the other at a gathering hoping someone would play with them. Yes, I have seen several men and women do this, however it actually looks really pathetic. One male Dominant I’ve seen for years at a club I frequented dragged his little bag of toys back and forth (on rollers) hoping to find someone to play with that night. The really sad part about this was he looked so needy and pathetic no one ever took him seriously. Some Dominants, typically males, will circle like a shark waiting for a newbie they could spank.

Then there are the confident Dominants who carry on their conversations with friends keeping an eye out for submissives of quality observing them from afar and nodding to them in acknowledgement, letting the submissive come to them. This confident Dominant would complete their conversation, then call the submissive to them, or continue observing the submissive quietly, taking their measure and awaiting another day to approach them.

It should be understood that not all interactions with a Dominant will be physical and definitely not sexual. Some Dominants are interested in submissives merely for their ability to provide good service such as performing household chores, running errands, providing service in the form of accounting for instance or some other specialized skills. It is the service that then becomes the basis of the interaction between these two individuals.

My favorite misconception is the fact that you have to dress in leather or a slinky outfit in order to dominate another. The truth is, if you can’t dominate a person in fufu slippers, jeans, and a tee-shirt with no make-up on, you couldn’t dominate them in full leather regalia looking flawless. Though you my look better in leather, it doesn’t immediately give you super dominant powers or a burst of confidence. Nor does the leather help improve your skills at Flogging and throwing a Whip. Not to mention, cheap leather squeaks and good leather is really expensive!

Just for the record, throwing a Whip around in 3-inch heels is a pain in the ass (let alone 4 or 5 inch heels) especially when you bend down low to crack it against the slave’s buttocks or back of his thighs and calves. Have you ever bent low in heels (not from the waist but actually bending your knees and going low) then tried to get up again without wobbling or worse yet, falling over? Imagine bending low repeatedly as you caress your slave’s body with the Whip or a Flogger. No one stands in one place with perfect balance when using any BDSM Toy. That would be like trying to kiss without moving your lips. And though we can all run in heels every now and then, a good scene can last anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours. That’s hell on your feet if you’re in heels.

I don’t know about you, but I refuse to wobble about in heels. I value foot comfort. Yet even more than that, imagine how stupid you’d feel if you tipped over and fall on your butt while trying to Whip someone—especially if it happened in public.

It’s important to notice the tone of voice the Dominant uses and when. A stern voice can be used to reprimand a disobedient slave. There’s no yelling and screaming involved just a very firm tone. Some Dominants use a softer more pleasant even sensual tone with their submissives luring them into their web. It’s the softer tone a Sadist takes with a submissive that scares them the most as the slave realizes that with a Sadist, it is when the Sadist is most quiet and thoughtful that they are creating the most physically torturous scenarios, calmly reaching for and embracing that sadistic side of themselves which they normally keep tightly leashed.

A major psychological difference between a Sadist and a Dominant is the fact that Sadists are turned on by inflicting physical pain and mental or emotional stress, much more so than a Dominant and thus taking interactions to a higher emotional and physical level of torment. And though most Dominants enjoy inflicting some levels of pain to their submissives or slaves, whether through use of a Flogger, a Spanking, a Whip or hundreds of various toys, Sadists create an intensity that would make your typical Dominant cautious. It is the sadism itself which creates a sense of rightness and peace within the Sadist’s mind and body.

Much like the submissive who experiences a rush of endorphins as their body registers pain, a Sadist will experience a rush of adrenaline which heightens their desire. Thus a Sadist engaging with a masochist creates a synergistic symbiotic connection between them wherein each receives what they desire. No, the slave doesn’t necessarily have to be a masochist, the slave/submissive may simply accept the intensity because of their desire to please the Sadist.

Note: A Dominant male is NEVER referred to as an “alpha male” in the BDSM community. An “alpha male” is a submissive man with a strong personality. Though this title is often used in romance novels, it is in fact an incorrect terminology in the D/s community

This lesson plan includes an excerpt from my book, BDSM The Naked Truth.

Assignment:
Please feel free to ask any questions based on the material covered thus far.

Send your assignment responses and comments to eCourse@doctorcharley.com

Your assignments, questions, and comments will be reviewed and responded to within normal business hours Monday through Friday. You do not need to wait for a response before moving on to the next lesson.

If you need immediate assistance, please feel free to contact me directly at the number listed below. I am available Monday thru Friday 1:00 to 9:00 p.m. EST.

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