Lesson #1
WHAT IS BDSM?
It’s important to understand what BDSM actually stands for. BDSM is an acronym for Bondage, Disciple, Sadomasochism. It is an umbrella that identifies power exchange relationships which have as its foundation an aspect of Dominance and submission. Individuals who embrace a Master/slave relationship do not necessarily consider themselves part of the BDSM mentality however do consider themselves part of the BDSM community as a whole.
The fact is that there are various levels of BDSM as there are people who participate in its activities. From the pleasure seeker who wants a little kink with his sex before he runs home to his wife/girlfriend, to the adrenaline junkie (major masochist) who wants to push himself as far as he or she can go. Think of this personality in vanilla terms as those individuals who are into extreme sports. There are those that actually embrace Dominance and submission as a way of life and those who embrace a Master/slave relationships and live it 24/7. And we haven’t even discussed the subset that follows Gorean beliefs. Wow, talk about totally different. (No one ever mentions them. In this course, we will not discuss Gorean beliefs as they are based on the fictions novel, Chronicles of Gor, written by John Norman.)
Contrary to popular belief, BDSM is not merely about whips and chains. In many instances, toys are never used as the individuals, both Dominant and submissive, are interested in “service” or in a spiritual and/or emotional connection as opposed to a physical relationship.
It’s important to keep in mind that some Dominants do not use impact toys (whips, floggers, paddles, etc.) to enforce their dominance but use a psychological impact—even Fear Play—never once laying a hand on the submissive. There are also those Dominants (Masters and Mistresses) who use humiliation and behavioral control in lieu of physical interactions.
And still other relationship dynamics where there is no sexual contact involved.
I’m sure you are starting to realize just how intricate and diverse the world of Dominance and submission truly is. Throughout this eCourse we will continue to address the various nuances within the various power exchange relationships. Plus I will provide you with valuable tidbits about the D/s community to help you become more acquainted with this uniquely diverse lifestyle.
There is saying within the D/s community that the submissive has the “greater control” in a BDSM relationship. This adage is frequently misunderstood by novice and the vanilla community. It is not that the submissive or slave controls the relationship itself but that they have the right to terminate the relationship at any time (as does the Dominant) for whatever reason; just as within an vanilla relationships. In addition, the aspect of “control” the submissive has is limited to the right to call their Safeword to stop any interaction they are engaged in with their Master or Mistress which they do not feel they cannot continue to endure. They do not however have the right to dictate the course of the encounters nor the dynamics of the relationship outside of the negotiation phase. To do so would be considered Topping from the Bottom. This is frowned upon and not tolerated by most Dominants. We will discuss the power dynamics further as we continue. Though again, when addressing the issue of control, ultimately the submissive does have a significant degree of control in the relationships as he or she can always say, “I don’t want to do this anymore.” Anything less would fall under an abusive relationship and BDSM is not about abuse nor domestic violence. (Note: Vanilla is a term used to differentiate between the D/s dynamics and the average non-BDSM community—basically the world at large.)
To touch briefly upon a deeper aspect of a submissive’s surrender we would step into the concept of “consensual non-consensuality”. There are many diverse opinions as to who would fall under this category and the complete surrender of a submissive and a slave varies greatly as they’re NOT considered the same and therefore one (the submissive) has more “rights” than the other (the slave). Consensual non-consensuality is considered Edge Play and is often engaged in during committed relationships or within a relationship which has already established higher levels of trust. This is where the Master or Mistress will push the submissive beyond their limits helping them to grow in their acceptance and surrender. We will discuss this concept in more depth at a later date in the eCourse
As for setting limits and negotiations of what is acceptable and what implements will be used (ie: paddles, whips, humiliation, sexual contact/penetration, etc.), this is typically conducted with someone you’re just meeting (pick-up play) or are learning to interact with and starting a relationship with. However, there are typically NO negotiations when someone is a slave or property and already belongs to their Master or Mistress. At that point, the Owner decides what’s acceptable and what the slave or submissive will tolerate; which falls into the concept of “consensual non-consensuality”.
This workshop we will cover the basics of BDSM. You will be provided with weekly reading assignments from my book, BDSM The Naked Truth. This workshop will cover only the Basics, Chapter 1 through 6. We’ll address the emotional and psychological connection men and women make; discuss the various levels within the community (as briefly mentioned above); and you’ll be provided with tips on emotional development, personality traits, and much more to help you create and establish your own D/s relationships and scenes. I will also show you how to use the BDSM Checklist discussed in the book (Chapter 10).
Now let’s get started with our first assignment.
Assignment #1
Questions:
Let’s look at what you already know or think in regards to Dominance and submission and the BDSM community. Please answer the questions posed below.
1. Why do you think people want to participate in these sexual and/or painful activities?
2. Is it all about the pain or sex? Do you think there is more to it? Please elaborate.
3. What is it that you want to learn about BDSM and Dominance and submission?
Reading assignment:
Please read Chapters 1 & 2 in the book, BDSM The Naked Truth by
Dr. Charley Ferrer.
The book goes in-depth into the material we are covering here and will be an excellent resource. Should you wish to purchase a hard copy of the book, please use the following Coupon to receive a discount of $3.00. This coupon is for eCourse participants only. Please do not share it with friends.
Discount Coupon Code: eCourse
Book Link: Use the link below to obtain your free eBook copy
https://www.mcssl.com/content/assets/26/268718/BDSM_The_Naked_Truth_–_Second_Edition_2014_PDF.pdf
Send your assignment responses and comments to eCourse@doctorcharley.com
Your assignments, questions, and comments will be responded to during normal business hours Monday through Friday. You do not need to wait for a response before moving on to the next lesson.
If you need immediate assistance, please feel free to contact me directly at the number listed below. I am available Monday through Friday 1:00 to 9:00 p.m. EST.
Don’t want to wait! Download a PDF version of BDSM Introduction now.
eCourse — BDSM Intro — Entire Course
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Dr. Charley Ferrer
America’s BDSM Expert
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Copyright 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 25 Dr. Charley Ferrer
All information in this eCourse is the intellectual property of Dr. Charley Ferrer. No portion of this eCourse can be used, copied or forwarded to others without the expressed written permission of Dr. Charley Ferrer. Any questions should be directed to Dr. Charley Ferrer at doctorcharley@doctorcharley.com.