eCourse — BDSM for Writers – The Basics Lesson #5

eCourse BDSM for Writers — The Basics created by Dr. Charley Ferrer

Lesson 5
The Submissive
Personality Traits & Character Development

There’s a popular saying in the BDSM community that it’s harder to kneel than it is to stand and it takes more courage to be vulnerable than it does to control another. This is never more true than with a male submissive who is going against societal norms by surrendering to another—especially to a woman. He is often viewed as less masculine or macho and the Dominant woman is accused of emasculating him. Yet, nothing is further from the truth!

In actuality, a submissive man can be more dangerous than a dominant one especially when his Mistress or Master is threatened. Think of it as the Knight who went off to battle and chopped the heads off his enemy than meekly knelt before his Lady disheartened when she was upset with him. The submissive male doesn’t stop being a macho man; he actually embraces all aspects of his nature making him stronger or confident.

It is the fear of being ostracized by other men and fear of embracing their desire for submission that leads most men to identify as dominant when first entering the BDSM community. It is not until they feel comfortable within the community and with themselves that these submissive men will surrender their need to hide behind the façade of the dominant male.

It is unfortunate that the submissive man’s courage is often despised or openly ridiculed by Dominant men who make no qualms about putting the submissive man down or showing their disdain. However these same Dominant men think nothing wrong with a woman being submissive. I believe this opposition is caused by the Dominant man’s own internal fear of being seen as weak. Ironically, it’s not uncommon for that same Dominant man to swear a Dominant woman to secrecy about his desire to be submissive to “just her” and only “in private”.

For some slaves, the ability to serve is what brings peace to their lives. It is the feeling of total acceptance and acknowledgement they strive to gain in their lives and show their appreciation by working to the best of their ability giving 150% every time, even anticipating the needs of their Master or Mistress. These slaves will even correct their own behavior before it needs to be addressed by their owner. These types of slaves are a treasure to have and are well guarded once found.

As for a submissive woman, she’s able to embrace the more feminine side of her nature as well as her desire to cater to her Dominant/Master/Mistress. She is able to give freely of herself knowing her efforts and service will be greatly appreciated. In this era when feminist ideals often battle with submissive desires, a female slave may find herself ostracized by her feminist friends for what they perceive as her subservient desires or she may receive a lot of undue objections for being of service to her Dominant as she dutifully performs her tasks of being the attentive “wife” or partner. Of course, men also fall prey to these objections from their friends who will deem him “whipped”. If they only knew how true it was!

Though the outside world may think a submissive suffers from little to no self- esteem or lack of personal power, the truth is far from it. In a way, submissive individuals are actually reclaiming their power and sharing it with others.

To dispel some rampant misconceptions: not every slave or submissive is a doormat! Many are very strong, even dominant in their everyday vanilla interactions. Most are in charge or supervise others and enjoy the ability to release their responsibilities and surrender to another individual they feel safe with.

The need for release is strong in both men and women and though not all interactions with their dominant are sexual in nature, I find that submissive women are used sexually more so than their male counterparts. This may be due to the physical dominance a woman excerpts over a man ensuring that he realizes that even his manhood belongs to Her and She’ll use it when and as She desires. Also where male Dominants are more comfortable being sexual in public, female Dominants will limit sexual interactions in public.

As for sexual play, many female Dominants will save the more intimate aspects of their interactions with their partner for private times. Not only due to their sexual desires but because having to get in and out of their outfits is a bit more difficult. With submissive women, it’s not uncommon and perfectly normal for them to be seen in the nude and be forced to orgasm in public or perform Fellacio on their Dominant in public.

For the sexual submissives, their desire to serve and be vulnerable is based solely on their sexual needs and that is where their submission ends as in all other aspects of their lives and their interactions with their Dominant they are on equal footing and may even be dominant themselves.

At times, you will have two Dominants who interact with each other successfully because of the fact that one is a sexual submissive and therefore can give that aspect of themselves to the other. You may find that in these types of relationships, the couple may engage a third party they share as the submissive to one or both of them.

Submissives adhere to the requirements of their Dominant! Every Dominant has their own requirements and protocols. Some will impose eye contact restrictions; prescribe a dress code, as well as specific protocols and rituals as to how the submissive will greet them when arriving for a Play Scene or when they arrive home if they live together. These rituals and protocols reinforce the connection between the couples and are paramount to the relationship. They provide a sense of belonging and acceptance, even safety, for both.

For those submissives who are masochistic in nature, you may find that they tend to push and challenge their Dominants to receive more physical interactions. This push may not be a conscious behavior on their part. However it is their physical, emotional and even spiritual need to connect at that level of release and service to their Dominant that pushes them to tease and bring forth the Beast within their Dominant; a harsher more sadistic aspect of the Dominant’s psyche.

A masochist whose needs aren’t being met will often act out becoming rude, even disrespectful, in hopes of being corrected and punished for his behavior. This should be avoided. You can dismiss the masochist for the night, tie him or her up and leave them there, play with another submissive or slave before them (to show them what they’re missing because of their inappropriate behavior, etc.). Giving in to bad behavior is like giving in to a child throwing a tantrum…it just perpetuates the inappropriateness. This is also a good time to set rules and boundaries with the slave/sub or realize that this is not the type of slave you desire and dismiss him or her all together.

Please note, these are not ALL the character traits of a submissive or slave, however they are the most common. You’d be reading a fifty page explanation on slave/sub characteristics if I tried to cover them all. (smiles) However, this information will provide you with great insight and establish a foundation from which to build on. My book, BDSM for Writers provides more in-depth information and details. read Chapters 4 & 5.

Please feel free to ask any questions you may have on submissives/slaves behaviors and mentality.

This lesson plan includes excerpts from my book, BDSM for Writers.

Reading Assignment:
Read Chapters 4 & 5

Please feel free to ask any questions based on the material covered thus far.

Send your assignment responses and comments to eCourse@doctorcharley.com

Your assignments, questions, and comments will be reviewed and responded to within normal business hours Monday through Friday. You do not need to wait for a response before moving on to the next lesson.

If you need immediate assistance, please feel free to contact me directly at the number listed below. I am available Monday thru Friday 1:00 to 9:00 p.m. EST.

 

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Dr. Charley Ferrer
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Copyright 2011 Dr. Charley Ferrer
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