Communicating Your Desires

In the US we believe in freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of sex…wait we actually pay for sex in one form or another. From the guilt and shame that’s heaped upon us by our families, our religious leaders, our government, even our own friends. We’re taught sex is taboo and we should only speak of it in whispers or on talk shows where the topics are chosen for their obscurity and shock value in order to raise ratings and bring in more advertising money. Yet what ever happened to truth and education?

We have celebrities like Tiger Woods stating in one interview it was his “right” to fool around with all those woman yet when he lost substantial advertisement funding, he quickly changed his plea to Sexual Addiction. Jessie Ventura did the same along with so many others, choosing to hide behind an emotional disorder instead of admitting their improprieties and acknowledging their dishonorable behaviors. Now we have a politician that we’ve elected to congress who sends nudie pictures to anonymous women on Twitter while at work or in government facilities. Should we single him out because he’s a politician? Should we expect more from him than we expect from ourselves or the unknown men or women we see every day on the street?

When will we demand more from those we place in office and in positions of power? When will we demand and require more dignity, more respect, more support for the common man? Will we demand it from ourselves?

It doesn’t surprise me that this latest photo escapade occurred with another politician or celebrity in the limelight. What surprises me is that as a society, we don’t use Senator Wiener’s indiscretions as an example to improve ourselves and our relationships. Use his inappropriateness as an example in educating our children—our young adults—on appropriate sexual conduct.

Senator Weiner’s actions are why I believe it’s imperative to provide sexual reform and actually educate our children and ourselves which in turn will enhance the intimacy in our current and future relationships. So many couples experience infidelity because one partner’s sexual needs aren’t being met; or they prefers sharing their desires with another because of a fear of being rejected by the one they love. Need I remind you of the potential risk factors in that scenario not the least of which is STDs/STIs and divorce.

For me the real tragedy in this escapade of Weiner’s isn’t the photos or where they were taken or who they were sent to, it’s the fact that he couldn’t discuss and share his desires with his partner enabling them to create a safe environment for him to express his “naughty” needs. Perhaps if he had discussed these with his partner they could have opened an anonymous private account for “her”. This would have avoided the adverse media publicity and legal complications he now faces. Aaah, that magic thing people forget to do…communication.

As a society, we need to stop paying for sex in such a negative way. We have to reject the bill of guilt and shame and turn toward acceptance. Otherwise, our relationships will continue to suffer causing more divorces, more sexual dysfunctions, more depression, and more adverse physical and emotional symptoms; as well as the loss of respect from those we wish to impress most.

Let’s stop paying for sex and start enjoying it!

As a couple, sit down no less than once a week and discuss your desires with your partner. Yes, this may be embarrassing at first yet we always feel shy and insecure when we try something new. Incorporate the sensual adventures you would like to create and add them to your “To Do List” as a couple. Tweak it as needed for maximum pleasure. Remember those Couple’s Play Dates I spoke of in the past, here’s a great opportunity to create one.

If you suffer from any form of sexual dysfunctions such as impotency, Pre-mature ejaculation, Anorgasmia, etc. or think you do, schedule an appointment with your physician to ensure there’s no biological reason and then see a Sex Therapist to help you overcome them. This will lead you on the path to salvage your relationship as you set aside your ego and pride and work at building and/or re-establishing the intimacy and emotional connection with your partner.

Discover ways to grow as a couple through books, therapy, even a couple’s workshops designed specifically to enhance communication and sensual enjoyment. As adults, taking control of your finances, health, and family is important—ensure to add sexual health to that list.

The truth is, when you’re sexually healthy and content there is no damage to your relationship possible. No possibilities of betrayal or humiliation due to inappropriate actions. No divorce suits due to infidelity. No broken families and marriages. You’re an adult—now act like one! Be responsible and healthy with your sexual expression—this means communicate with your partner.


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